I am tired (old writing from Oct 2011)

It’s not really about giving up.
I cant lie, though. Giving up is partially what it is.
The other portion is pressure.
Its the largest portion of at least the feelings that create this.
I refuse to play third wheel.
I refuse to sit idly by and be treated as a doormat
To be talked to in the manner that i am.
Not just by you, but almost everyone.

I am tired of it.

I hate that i am treated like dogshit
that someone found on the bottom of their shoe.
And thats exactly how i have been made to feel lately.
How would you feel?
How would you feel?
I am tired of it.

Daily pressure is constant,
But getting stepped on.
Getting kicked in the face
Is not my idea of a grand time.
Its not just your words
But how you say them
The sting you provide with them
The barbs of jealousy
The distrust for simple things…

And your lack of support for anything i do,
because you feel it is out of your grasp
You dont even try
Nor give the effortless support a loving wife,
and supposed soul mate
Should provide.
How would you feel?
How would you feel?
I am tired.

If the third wheel is neglected too long
Left to rot in the sun
No oils
No care
No shade from the elements of the world
Of the thoughts that can devestate someone
Shelter from the storm of stress
As it were.
How would you feel?
How would you feel?
I am tired.

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